Friday, July 3, 2009


The dreams are frightening
You lay awake for hours
Praying for the peace of slumber
That will not come for you
When you close your heavy eyes finally
The dreams will be waiting
As they always are

The shadow of a man
The glint of a knife
The shrieking of a woman you do not know
Yet she seems familiar
Something awful is taking place
Before you

The shadow moves
The knife arcs
The shrieking halts suddenly
Giving way to the fateful gasps of last breath
There is blood
Rivers, it seems
So red

You want to help
To flea
To call out at least
But you remain motionless
A statue
Your voice staying trapped within your constricting throat
Mute in the shadows of your own dreams

You wake in a cold sweat
The sun is rising
Dawn is on its way
And so are you
To another day
The tedious monotony of the job
Is both comforting and disturbing
You greet the many customers
Each face bleeding into the next

Until you look up
To find the woman
From your nightmares
Staring back at you

Time stills
You knew she was familiar
You had seen her before
You want to say something
You should

You want to tell her
About the dreams
Warn her about the shadows
The man
The knife
The blood

But your voice is in your throat again
Mute as she disappears out the door


It is late
Perhaps the early hours of morning
Darkness engulfs everything
You walk on silent feet
No footsteps left to follow after you
No destination planned for this journey
Merely moving
Aimless and alone
No inclination of the place from whence you came

The sidewalk is dirty
Crumbling with the memory
Of years of feet just the same as yours
All appears quiet
The low buzzing hum of the nightlife is faded by now
Muted in the dull light of the streetlamps
Everywhere, there is calm
the smell of dew, fresh dirt, and decaying leaves lingers
The odor of stale urine passing on the breeze
As you wander passed a deserted bus terminal
Is almost nauseating
But the cool air is pleasant enough
To forgive the passing scent.

The shrieking of a lone swing
In an abandoned playground
Catches your idle notice
A child sits upon the solitary swing
Pale fingers wrapped tightly around its chains
Legs pumping with practiced ease
You watch the child avidly,
Pausing in your steps

There is nothing unique about him
He is not an exceptional child in any way
He is not beautiful
Nor ugly
He is not normal
Nor odd
He is merely there
Swinging back and forth
Staring into the distance behind you
At nothing in particular
Unaware of your quiet scrutiny

There is something about him
It pulls at you
You wonder
'Why is he here?'
'Why alone?'
'What is it he's looking at so intently?'
No answers come to mind
As you turn to follow his gaze
Nothing but darkness greets your eyes

The shrieking of the ancient swing set stops abruptly
You glance back for the cause of the sudden quiet
The child is gone
The swing does not move

You look around
You ponder
'Where did he go?'
'Why did he leave?'
'And so quickly?'
There is no sign of him at all
Or any inkling of where he might have gone
But you do not worry for the child
You are at peace

You stand
Staring unblinkingly at the motionless swing
The deserted playground whispers around you
Your body remaining still in the hush that falls
You did not see his departure
The swing does not sway with the remembrance
Of his body
You question
'Was he ever there at all?'

Friday, January 9, 2009

To Exist

I thirst
I crave
I search
I follow
It's the scent
My world

I stalk
I trap
I corner
I whisper
I inhale
It's intoxicating

I shiver
I touch
I caress
I taste
I take
It's mine
As it should be

I kiss
I feed
I drink
I swallow
I devour
It's smooth, fluid

I drain
I feel
I savor
I steal
I kill
It's swift

I drag
I hide
I escape
I leave
I forget
It's what must be done
To remain

I move
I sleep
I dream
I pray
I survive
It's my curse
To exist

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Make Me Spin

Make Me Spin

Verse I

The timing's off
Set's all wrong
Beat's gone to shit
But you've still got me
Dancing to your tune
My hips can't stop moving
Not while you've got me
In your grip, so tight
Mesmerized by the heat in your eyes

And it's so easy now to...


Toss me, turn me
Make me spin
Just the way you can
You were always so good
At playing me
Like a record baby
There you go again
Setting me up on your turntable
Make me sing
Like a canary baby
For you
I'd do anything
You know
You're my everything

Verse II

When you're home again
Down from the high that's me
You'll shove me back up on your shelf
Collecting dust and
Wasting away with the fire of your stare
I hope you're proud now
So proud of yourself
For forgetting me successfully
Me and my scratched surfaces
Old bruises and faded scars
You've got new talent to replace me now
Jaded faces with harsh voices
Remember me then
And know you'll never have me again
After all the shit you put me through
Know that you were never the only one
Listening to the melody
That was me...



Toss me, turn me
Make me spin
Just the way you can
You were always so good
At playing me
Like a record baby
There you go again
Setting me up on your turntable
Make me sing
Like a canary baby
For you
I'd do anything
You know
You're my everything

Do you hear me now?

Friday, July 25, 2008

My Tragedy

Verse 1

The universe is spinning free
But I am lost and
The stars are trapping me
The shackles are not the type
That you can see
And I am nothing now
Left waiting
For a common ground
That'll never be reality


My mouth's been sewn closed
My eyes long glued shut
My mind is the canvas
Wicked nightmares and fantasies
Confusing me
And painting gruesome portraits
Of who I used to be

Verse 2

Darkness surrounds
The scenes of tragedy
Playing all around me
Like a personal melody
And I can't scream
And I can't see
My eyes and words deceiving me
So easily


My mouth's been sewn closed
My eyes long glued shut
My mind is the canvas
Wicked nightmares and fantasies
Confusing me
And painting gruesome portraits
Of who I used to be

Final Verse

I rip the stitches
From my lips
Breathing free
And peel my eyelids open forcefully
Praying to catch a glimpse
Of my personality
And sometimes I cry
Just to drink my own tears
In the futile hope
Of swallowing my own sadness

Final chorus

My mouth torn open
My eyes wounded wide
My mind come undone
In the wake of broken canvases
The brushes are split
The paint spattered
On the crumbling walls
Of my ruined psyche
And I am left
Picking up the ragged remnants
Of my tragedy

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Sometimes I lie awake at night
Entertaining thoughts of you
Your smile
And your eyes
All the things I love about you
And as I lie awake
And think of you
I wonder quietly
If you're thinking of me too

Thursday, June 19, 2008



My story begins many years before the son of God was born, even before man was intelligent, when they were no more than animals walking or four limbs. I was called forth by one of the Princes of Hell, Lucifer.

He sat in a high-backed chair facing a mirror so that he could gaze upon his own reflection for hours on end. He hardly spared a glance for me before staring back into his own violet eyes reflected by the silvery glass of the mirror before him. I waited in silence for him to speak, taking in his handsome appearance as I stood motionless in his presence. He smiled at himself before his rose-tinted lips opened to allow his voice to flow from between them.

“I have called you forth for a favor. You have pledged allegiance to Hell and I call upon you now to fulfill your duties. From now on, you shall be called Azmodeus. If you complete this task, you will be given privileges no other demons of your status are allowed. I have taken notice of your beauty and I have decided you will be best suited to successfully accomplish my plan,” He spoke softly, his voice carrying melodiously on the motionless air. I merely nodded in quiet acquiescence. “You are to travel to Earth and tempt an angel. The angel called Chastity, has been sent to watch over the humans in the northern hemisphere. You will tempt him onto the path of the left hand. You will make him fall. This will be my revenge on God for his denunciation of me. You must be triumphant or you will be punished. Do not return until Chastity's soul belongs to Hell.” His gazed never drifted from his reflection as he told me of my mission and he never once blinked.

“As you wish, your Majesty.” I murmured with a graceful bow, the onyx feathers of my wings whispering on the marble floor as I bent. I left with my new name and my task. I traveled as I had been instructed to, to the northern hemisphere and began my pursuit of the angel, Chastity.

I searched for many months for him before finally finding him on the outskirts of a human village. He was more beautiful than any other creature, demon or otherwise I had ever laid eyes on, of course I wondered if all angels held the same beauty as he, for he was the first angel I'd ever seen. His golden locks brushed softly at the backs of his shapely calves, long legs and a slim waist hardly noticeable beneath the folds of a crisp, white tunic, and eyes of the bluest seas. I could not catch my breath as I gazed upon him. His skin was so pale, it nearly shimmered in the light of the moon matching the dove white feathers of his pristine wings arching gracefully from gently angular shoulders. I did not approach him or rather I could not; I was much too frightened by his magnificence to move towards him.

I retreated into the forest swiftly without a backward glance, stopping only when I had reached the lake I knew to be hidden within its depths. I looked down at my own reflection in the tranquility of the water's surface. My own skin was bronze with sunlight and my auburn hair lay in stunning waves about my neck and shoulders. Incredibly ebony feathered wings protruded from broadly rounded shoulders and glimmering scarlet eyes met in the reflection of myself. I glanced down at my hand, raising it palm-up, glossy nails that seemed too feminine for a male shone dully in the dim glow the moon provided and I pondered how to make an angel fall as I gazed at my curled fingers. How did one go about pushing a messenger of God off the path of righteousness and onto the path of chaos?

I could not of course, simply ask him. He would never agree, but I thought that perhaps he might be persuaded if I became a keeper of his trust. Lucifer had given me no precise deadline for which I must retrieve the angel's soul only warning me not to return without it, so I assumed that I had ample amount of time to gain said trust. I smiled to myself, thinking my plan genius.

Days passed before I found the courage to return to watch the angel. I found him seated on a gigantic blue speckled stone by a small spring. The smell of clean water wafted from the pool of translucent liquid which had been trapped by the stones around it. More of the sweet-smelling water trickled from a crevice in the rock wall behind the pool and my mouth watered with the mere thought of the taste of it. I imagined it would be cool upon my parched lips and tongue.

I watched the angel as he sat, humming quietly to himself, hardly audible over the sound of the water in the spring, but my sensitive ears picked up each delicate note. I licked my dry lips as I stepped towards him. He did not seem to notice me at first or perhaps he did, but was ignoring me or pretending not to have noticed at all. Briefly I found my mind wandering. Did God send angels to turn demons onto the path of good or were they only sent to guide the humans? If he did, was this angel waiting for me so that he might turn me away from my chosen path?

I shook my head to rid my mind of such distracting thoughts and focused on the task at hand. Chastity sat vulnerably in front of me and he did not move away in fear of me as I proceeded towards him. Were angels capable of arrogance? Did he think that I was no threat to him? Was he so sure that his God would protect him from my wicked hand?

I found my lips tilting up in a smirk of self-arrogance as I continued my approach. He did not turn to face me as I sauntered up next to the stone he had settled himself on. I glanced at him, my breath catching as I laid eyes on his beautiful features once more. How could one creature steal your breath with just their looks? He had his eyes closed, sooty eyelashes resting lazily upon his prominent cheekbones and he did not stop humming the tune he'd started before I'd come. I nearly snorted in indignation as he ignored my presence altogether.

“Do you not fear me?” I asked, my tone telling of my irritation with his blatant rudeness. His humming stopped for a moment, but continued once more as if he had never stopped to begin with, as if he had not even heard me speak. I huffed angrily. “Aren't you afraid that your ignorance will be your death?” I asked, pressing for acknowledgment. I vaguely heard him snort laughably. I looked up at him with shock widened eyes. How dare he laugh at me?! I grit my fanged teeth, my jaw clenching in agitation. He was trying my patience and demons were not known to be patient creatures. I breathed in deeply before exhaling, trying desperately to regain my composure.

“I have no reason to fear you.” I had not expected him to speak, nearly jumping in my astonishment when the airy tone of his voice reached my ears. I grinned triumphantly as he acknowledged me at last. I had at least gained his attention.

“And why is that?” I inquired, leaning in, my bare, slightly muscled arm pressing against the chill stone he sat upon. He shrugged nonchalantly and opened his eyes, gazing into the tiny pool at his feet.

“He would not allow you to harm me.” He answered immediately as though it was common knowledge, as though I were an idiot for even asking such a question. I chuckled.

“How wonderful it must be to be so naive.” I said airily, picking at my nails as if I were bored with the conversation. I could see him stiffen in irritation at my comment. I was clearly hitting nerves as I continued to talk with him. “How can He protect you when He is way up there and you are way down here?” I asked humorously, gesturing widely from the Earth towards Heaven and back again. I saw his jaw twitch as he clenched and unclenched the muscles there. I smirked.

“You'd be surprised at his reach.” He replied evenly, his voice forcefully trying to cover over his anger. My grin only broadened as I watched him struggle to keep his grace. I thought that my task was going to be easier than I had first assumed. He seemed a little hardheaded for an angel. I nibbled my lips as I debated my next move.

Slowly, ever-so slowly, I moved my hand silently up to run a freezing fingertip down the exposed flesh of his thigh; it was the only part of his body that I happened to be able to reach from my place on the grass-covered ground of course. I saw a shiver run through him instinctively before he jumped to his feet as if he'd been burned, glaring down at me with furious cerulean eyes. I merely grinned up at him in satisfaction.

“You! How dare you!” He exclaimed before falling silent as his eyes fell upon my form, a soft gasp falling from my lips. I cocked my head just the tiniest bit to the left and watched him as he took in my appearance.

“How dare I what? Touch you? Did you think He would protect you from a mere touch?” I questioned knowingly. This game was turning out to be so fun. He shook his head, a rosy blush creeping over his cheeks as he realized he'd been staring at me for several moments without speaking. I kept smiling enigmatically up at him, not at all worried about God's wrath. What more could he possibly do to me? I'd lived in Hell all my life after all. I've heard there's nothing worse than that.

“You- I... Just...” He stuttered furiously, unable to say anything of substance. I chuckled as I watched him battle within himself.

“I did nothing wrong. Your God did not smite me, so nothing I've done is a sin. I have only spoken to you and touched you to gain your attention. Is that so wrong to you?” I asked innocently, full well knowing that I was confusing him thoroughly. I was sure that my actions had gone against everything he had been taught. I was positive that he had been told that God would protect him from the advances of demons, but he had not realized that demons did not always try to harm angels. His God could not protect him from words or persuasions. He could not stop us from meeting, could He? So how could He be expected to stop us from becoming acquainted?

Chastity looked utterly taken aback as realization finally hit. He met my eyes and I nodded. Yes, I was telling the truth. Yes, his God was powerless here. And no, he was not in danger. Well, at least not physically. I only wanted his soul after all.

“But I thought. You can't- You shouldn't be able to...” he trailed off, his brow furrowing in thought. I just kept grinning as he sputtered until he shut himself up, glaring angrily at me. I merely grinned up at him.

Many weeks passed after that first night and I spoke with Chastity every night thereafter when the moon was high up in the night sky, looming over us, hoping to hear all our secrets. It was not so awkward between us then, our conversations flowing easily like the water in the spring. We spoke of many things both good and evil and we became tentative acquaintances and then simple friends. Then on a night several months after we'd first met, I sat next to him upon the blue-speckled stone by the spring and stared up at the stars.

“What do you think of love?” Chastity's melodic voice whispered through my ears, asking me a long-awaited question. He trusted me now, but for some unknown reason, I could not bring myself to commit the sin to ruin him. He looked at me expectantly, trust shining from his glorious cerulean eyes. I sighed inwardly. Were we now more than simple friends? Had we begun to tread into other territories?

If that was so, then I had put my whole mission into jeopardy. How could it be possible for me to feel more than animosity for the creature that opposed me by the very blood that ran in our veins? By nature, we should despise one another. It was a wonder that we had become friends at all, let alone anything more than that. Would I be able to taint him as I was commanded by the one I called master?

“What of it?” I asked quietly, my voice cooling with the foul mood I was putting myself in even though I was careful not to let my thoughts show through. I would have to steal his soul soon. I would have to tarnish him, make him fall, and destroy him. With every image of myself doing just that, a sickening lump grew within the pit of my stomach. A hideously enormous black lump formed, taking up residence beneath the safe cage of my ribs; a sure sign of second thoughts. I watched him as he cocked his head, a rose blush rising on his cheeks embarrassedly.

“Well, I mean, do you think there is such a thing as true love? That love can survive through anything?” His eyes cast downwards as he spoke softly, his fingers twitching against the cool stone near to my own hand, itching to touch. I just watched him for several moments before answering. I knew what my answer should be; I knew I should deny the very possibility of true love. I sighed heavily as I managed to force words from my sticky tongue.

“Love is a fool's notion, made up for fairy tales. That's all.”I grit my fanged jaw as I ground out the awful words. Chastity's eyes widened impossibly at my outburst and I immediately regretted my recitation of what I had been taught to believe since birth. Love was not something that demons were supposed to believe in. Hate was a better tool for sin.

“Then I guess I'm just a fool.” He said bitterly in reply as unshed tears shimmered in his eyes. He stood up abruptly and turned to get down from the stone. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand had wrapped itself around his thin wrist, the smoothness of the pale skin reddening under my tight grip. I couldn't let him leave, not when I had upset him so badly.

“Chastity wait!” I exclaimed, the words hanging in the still air like a dark cloud filled with unsaid innuendos. I had no idea what I had planned on saying if he stayed. I closed my eyes as he stood awkwardly silent and without motion, hardly even breathing. “I didn't mean it like that. I don't know much about love, especially not when it comes to the survival of love. I don't even understand what love would feel like. How would I know if it can survive anything?” I tried to explain, feeling as though I was failing miserably.

Couldn't he understand? I was a demon. These things did not come naturally to me as they did an angel like himself. I wasn't equipped with the right knowledge. I didn't know how to proceed in this situation. My mission plan had seemed so simple in the beginning. I had thought to seduce him after gaining his trust and allowing him to fall with the mere sin of desiring me, but now something had changed drastically. I desired him, wanted to protect him, and keep him pure. How had it come to this and what did it mean?

He turned, his angry eyes softening as they met my own scarlet ones. “Really? You've never learned love?” His voice was so quiet, as if he could not believe what I had said. I nodded, words abandoning me. “Then, I shall teach you.” He finished in a tone filled with determination.

“How?” I asked, gaze glued to his face as I waited for his reply. He moved down to the grass and pulled me with him as he did. I lost my balance and fell on top of him, toppling us both to the chilled earth below, the fresh grass cushioning our landing. He laughed, his voice like a bell as we lay on the ground side by side and I blushed. Demons don't blush, but I did right then. Our eyes met and his laughter subsided into silent breath. I lost count of the time as we lay watching each other, no words passing between us.

Then, before I knew what he was attempting, and before I could stop him, he was leaning over me, so close that I could feel his cool breath on my face. His lips were warm and so soft, they'd make a flower weep as they pressed onto mine. I hadn't known a simple kiss could leave me breathless, but perhaps it was because he was an angel, or maybe I only imagined it. I closed my eyes without even realizing I had done so and didn't open them again until he pulled away once more. Our breath mingled as his hair pooled around us like a golden halo. My heart had never beaten so fast in my entire existence and I was utterly taken by him. That is when I understood love.

But from that very night, perhaps even since the beginning of this insane mission, we could never be. We were enemies by birth and we'd never survive our love. Impossible, it would be for us to ever live happily as one. And I knew it from the moment it dawned on me that I loved him. I would never ruin him; I wouldn't be able to bring myself to. From the second our lips brushed for the second time, I realized that after this night I could never see him again. And when I finally disentangled my limbs from his and our lips were reddened and bruised with kisses even as he begged me to stay with him, I never looked back again.

I know what you'll be thinking now. You'll say that I'm cruel, leading you on the way I have, but you are wrong. It would have been much more cruel of me to keep him. How could I have made it work? You'd probably like to believe that Chastity and I found a way, but we could not, for even though it has been said time and time again that love survives anything, that it knows no boundaries, clearly the ones who said it never knew a demon that fell in love with an angel. Heaven and Hell can never mix peacefully and so I set my Chastity free.