Sometimes

Sometimes I lie awake at night
Entertaining thoughts of you
Your smile
And your eyes
All the things I love about you
And as I lie awake
And think of you
I wonder quietly
If you're thinking of me too

Fallen

Fallen

My story begins many years before the son of God was born, even before man was intelligent, when they were no more than animals walking or four limbs. I was called forth by one of the Princes of Hell, Lucifer.

He sat in a high-backed chair facing a mirror so that he could gaze upon his own reflection for hours on end. He hardly spared a glance for me before staring back into his own violet eyes reflected by the silvery glass of the mirror before him. I waited in silence for him to speak, taking in his handsome appearance as I stood motionless in his presence. He smiled at himself before his rose-tinted lips opened to allow his voice to flow from between them.

“I have called you forth for a favor. You have pledged allegiance to Hell and I call upon you now to fulfill your duties. From now on, you shall be called Azmodeus. If you complete this task, you will be given privileges no other demons of your status are allowed. I have taken notice of your beauty and I have decided you will be best suited to successfully accomplish my plan,” He spoke softly, his voice carrying melodiously on the motionless air. I merely nodded in quiet acquiescence. “You are to travel to Earth and tempt an angel. The angel called Chastity, has been sent to watch over the humans in the northern hemisphere. You will tempt him onto the path of the left hand. You will make him fall. This will be my revenge on God for his denunciation of me. You must be triumphant or you will be punished. Do not return until Chastity's soul belongs to Hell.” His gazed never drifted from his reflection as he told me of my mission and he never once blinked.

“As you wish, your Majesty.” I murmured with a graceful bow, the onyx feathers of my wings whispering on the marble floor as I bent. I left with my new name and my task. I traveled as I had been instructed to, to the northern hemisphere and began my pursuit of the angel, Chastity.

I searched for many months for him before finally finding him on the outskirts of a human village. He was more beautiful than any other creature, demon or otherwise I had ever laid eyes on, of course I wondered if all angels held the same beauty as he, for he was the first angel I'd ever seen. His golden locks brushed softly at the backs of his shapely calves, long legs and a slim waist hardly noticeable beneath the folds of a crisp, white tunic, and eyes of the bluest seas. I could not catch my breath as I gazed upon him. His skin was so pale, it nearly shimmered in the light of the moon matching the dove white feathers of his pristine wings arching gracefully from gently angular shoulders. I did not approach him or rather I could not; I was much too frightened by his magnificence to move towards him.

I retreated into the forest swiftly without a backward glance, stopping only when I had reached the lake I knew to be hidden within its depths. I looked down at my own reflection in the tranquility of the water's surface. My own skin was bronze with sunlight and my auburn hair lay in stunning waves about my neck and shoulders. Incredibly ebony feathered wings protruded from broadly rounded shoulders and glimmering scarlet eyes met in the reflection of myself. I glanced down at my hand, raising it palm-up, glossy nails that seemed too feminine for a male shone dully in the dim glow the moon provided and I pondered how to make an angel fall as I gazed at my curled fingers. How did one go about pushing a messenger of God off the path of righteousness and onto the path of chaos?

I could not of course, simply ask him. He would never agree, but I thought that perhaps he might be persuaded if I became a keeper of his trust. Lucifer had given me no precise deadline for which I must retrieve the angel's soul only warning me not to return without it, so I assumed that I had ample amount of time to gain said trust. I smiled to myself, thinking my plan genius.

Days passed before I found the courage to return to watch the angel. I found him seated on a gigantic blue speckled stone by a small spring. The smell of clean water wafted from the pool of translucent liquid which had been trapped by the stones around it. More of the sweet-smelling water trickled from a crevice in the rock wall behind the pool and my mouth watered with the mere thought of the taste of it. I imagined it would be cool upon my parched lips and tongue.

I watched the angel as he sat, humming quietly to himself, hardly audible over the sound of the water in the spring, but my sensitive ears picked up each delicate note. I licked my dry lips as I stepped towards him. He did not seem to notice me at first or perhaps he did, but was ignoring me or pretending not to have noticed at all. Briefly I found my mind wandering. Did God send angels to turn demons onto the path of good or were they only sent to guide the humans? If he did, was this angel waiting for me so that he might turn me away from my chosen path?

I shook my head to rid my mind of such distracting thoughts and focused on the task at hand. Chastity sat vulnerably in front of me and he did not move away in fear of me as I proceeded towards him. Were angels capable of arrogance? Did he think that I was no threat to him? Was he so sure that his God would protect him from my wicked hand?

I found my lips tilting up in a smirk of self-arrogance as I continued my approach. He did not turn to face me as I sauntered up next to the stone he had settled himself on. I glanced at him, my breath catching as I laid eyes on his beautiful features once more. How could one creature steal your breath with just their looks? He had his eyes closed, sooty eyelashes resting lazily upon his prominent cheekbones and he did not stop humming the tune he'd started before I'd come. I nearly snorted in indignation as he ignored my presence altogether.

“Do you not fear me?” I asked, my tone telling of my irritation with his blatant rudeness. His humming stopped for a moment, but continued once more as if he had never stopped to begin with, as if he had not even heard me speak. I huffed angrily. “Aren't you afraid that your ignorance will be your death?” I asked, pressing for acknowledgment. I vaguely heard him snort laughably. I looked up at him with shock widened eyes. How dare he laugh at me?! I grit my fanged teeth, my jaw clenching in agitation. He was trying my patience and demons were not known to be patient creatures. I breathed in deeply before exhaling, trying desperately to regain my composure.

“I have no reason to fear you.” I had not expected him to speak, nearly jumping in my astonishment when the airy tone of his voice reached my ears. I grinned triumphantly as he acknowledged me at last. I had at least gained his attention.

“And why is that?” I inquired, leaning in, my bare, slightly muscled arm pressing against the chill stone he sat upon. He shrugged nonchalantly and opened his eyes, gazing into the tiny pool at his feet.

“He would not allow you to harm me.” He answered immediately as though it was common knowledge, as though I were an idiot for even asking such a question. I chuckled.

“How wonderful it must be to be so naive.” I said airily, picking at my nails as if I were bored with the conversation. I could see him stiffen in irritation at my comment. I was clearly hitting nerves as I continued to talk with him. “How can He protect you when He is way up there and you are way down here?” I asked humorously, gesturing widely from the Earth towards Heaven and back again. I saw his jaw twitch as he clenched and unclenched the muscles there. I smirked.

“You'd be surprised at his reach.” He replied evenly, his voice forcefully trying to cover over his anger. My grin only broadened as I watched him struggle to keep his grace. I thought that my task was going to be easier than I had first assumed. He seemed a little hardheaded for an angel. I nibbled my lips as I debated my next move.

Slowly, ever-so slowly, I moved my hand silently up to run a freezing fingertip down the exposed flesh of his thigh; it was the only part of his body that I happened to be able to reach from my place on the grass-covered ground of course. I saw a shiver run through him instinctively before he jumped to his feet as if he'd been burned, glaring down at me with furious cerulean eyes. I merely grinned up at him in satisfaction.

“You! How dare you!” He exclaimed before falling silent as his eyes fell upon my form, a soft gasp falling from my lips. I cocked my head just the tiniest bit to the left and watched him as he took in my appearance.

“How dare I what? Touch you? Did you think He would protect you from a mere touch?” I questioned knowingly. This game was turning out to be so fun. He shook his head, a rosy blush creeping over his cheeks as he realized he'd been staring at me for several moments without speaking. I kept smiling enigmatically up at him, not at all worried about God's wrath. What more could he possibly do to me? I'd lived in Hell all my life after all. I've heard there's nothing worse than that.

“You- I... Just...” He stuttered furiously, unable to say anything of substance. I chuckled as I watched him battle within himself.

“I did nothing wrong. Your God did not smite me, so nothing I've done is a sin. I have only spoken to you and touched you to gain your attention. Is that so wrong to you?” I asked innocently, full well knowing that I was confusing him thoroughly. I was sure that my actions had gone against everything he had been taught. I was positive that he had been told that God would protect him from the advances of demons, but he had not realized that demons did not always try to harm angels. His God could not protect him from words or persuasions. He could not stop us from meeting, could He? So how could He be expected to stop us from becoming acquainted?

Chastity looked utterly taken aback as realization finally hit. He met my eyes and I nodded. Yes, I was telling the truth. Yes, his God was powerless here. And no, he was not in danger. Well, at least not physically. I only wanted his soul after all.

“But I thought. You can't- You shouldn't be able to...” he trailed off, his brow furrowing in thought. I just kept grinning as he sputtered until he shut himself up, glaring angrily at me. I merely grinned up at him.

Many weeks passed after that first night and I spoke with Chastity every night thereafter when the moon was high up in the night sky, looming over us, hoping to hear all our secrets. It was not so awkward between us then, our conversations flowing easily like the water in the spring. We spoke of many things both good and evil and we became tentative acquaintances and then simple friends. Then on a night several months after we'd first met, I sat next to him upon the blue-speckled stone by the spring and stared up at the stars.

“What do you think of love?” Chastity's melodic voice whispered through my ears, asking me a long-awaited question. He trusted me now, but for some unknown reason, I could not bring myself to commit the sin to ruin him. He looked at me expectantly, trust shining from his glorious cerulean eyes. I sighed inwardly. Were we now more than simple friends? Had we begun to tread into other territories?

If that was so, then I had put my whole mission into jeopardy. How could it be possible for me to feel more than animosity for the creature that opposed me by the very blood that ran in our veins? By nature, we should despise one another. It was a wonder that we had become friends at all, let alone anything more than that. Would I be able to taint him as I was commanded by the one I called master?

“What of it?” I asked quietly, my voice cooling with the foul mood I was putting myself in even though I was careful not to let my thoughts show through. I would have to steal his soul soon. I would have to tarnish him, make him fall, and destroy him. With every image of myself doing just that, a sickening lump grew within the pit of my stomach. A hideously enormous black lump formed, taking up residence beneath the safe cage of my ribs; a sure sign of second thoughts. I watched him as he cocked his head, a rose blush rising on his cheeks embarrassedly.

“Well, I mean, do you think there is such a thing as true love? That love can survive through anything?” His eyes cast downwards as he spoke softly, his fingers twitching against the cool stone near to my own hand, itching to touch. I just watched him for several moments before answering. I knew what my answer should be; I knew I should deny the very possibility of true love. I sighed heavily as I managed to force words from my sticky tongue.

“Love is a fool's notion, made up for fairy tales. That's all.”I grit my fanged jaw as I ground out the awful words. Chastity's eyes widened impossibly at my outburst and I immediately regretted my recitation of what I had been taught to believe since birth. Love was not something that demons were supposed to believe in. Hate was a better tool for sin.

“Then I guess I'm just a fool.” He said bitterly in reply as unshed tears shimmered in his eyes. He stood up abruptly and turned to get down from the stone. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand had wrapped itself around his thin wrist, the smoothness of the pale skin reddening under my tight grip. I couldn't let him leave, not when I had upset him so badly.

“Chastity wait!” I exclaimed, the words hanging in the still air like a dark cloud filled with unsaid innuendos. I had no idea what I had planned on saying if he stayed. I closed my eyes as he stood awkwardly silent and without motion, hardly even breathing. “I didn't mean it like that. I don't know much about love, especially not when it comes to the survival of love. I don't even understand what love would feel like. How would I know if it can survive anything?” I tried to explain, feeling as though I was failing miserably.

Couldn't he understand? I was a demon. These things did not come naturally to me as they did an angel like himself. I wasn't equipped with the right knowledge. I didn't know how to proceed in this situation. My mission plan had seemed so simple in the beginning. I had thought to seduce him after gaining his trust and allowing him to fall with the mere sin of desiring me, but now something had changed drastically. I desired him, wanted to protect him, and keep him pure. How had it come to this and what did it mean?

He turned, his angry eyes softening as they met my own scarlet ones. “Really? You've never learned love?” His voice was so quiet, as if he could not believe what I had said. I nodded, words abandoning me. “Then, I shall teach you.” He finished in a tone filled with determination.

“How?” I asked, gaze glued to his face as I waited for his reply. He moved down to the grass and pulled me with him as he did. I lost my balance and fell on top of him, toppling us both to the chilled earth below, the fresh grass cushioning our landing. He laughed, his voice like a bell as we lay on the ground side by side and I blushed. Demons don't blush, but I did right then. Our eyes met and his laughter subsided into silent breath. I lost count of the time as we lay watching each other, no words passing between us.

Then, before I knew what he was attempting, and before I could stop him, he was leaning over me, so close that I could feel his cool breath on my face. His lips were warm and so soft, they'd make a flower weep as they pressed onto mine. I hadn't known a simple kiss could leave me breathless, but perhaps it was because he was an angel, or maybe I only imagined it. I closed my eyes without even realizing I had done so and didn't open them again until he pulled away once more. Our breath mingled as his hair pooled around us like a golden halo. My heart had never beaten so fast in my entire existence and I was utterly taken by him. That is when I understood love.

But from that very night, perhaps even since the beginning of this insane mission, we could never be. We were enemies by birth and we'd never survive our love. Impossible, it would be for us to ever live happily as one. And I knew it from the moment it dawned on me that I loved him. I would never ruin him; I wouldn't be able to bring myself to. From the second our lips brushed for the second time, I realized that after this night I could never see him again. And when I finally disentangled my limbs from his and our lips were reddened and bruised with kisses even as he begged me to stay with him, I never looked back again.

I know what you'll be thinking now. You'll say that I'm cruel, leading you on the way I have, but you are wrong. It would have been much more cruel of me to keep him. How could I have made it work? You'd probably like to believe that Chastity and I found a way, but we could not, for even though it has been said time and time again that love survives anything, that it knows no boundaries, clearly the ones who said it never knew a demon that fell in love with an angel. Heaven and Hell can never mix peacefully and so I set my Chastity free.

Art

Colours meshing
Flowing blue
Flaming red
Tears of black and green
Specks of orange and yellow and purple
All of it pulled from my very soul
Imaginary images
Coating an empty page
So many different masterpieces
Along the faded walls of my endless mind
Just waiting to
Be free

Fear

Darting, running, screaming, and crying
Breathing rapidly
Mouth feeling dry
Sweating, cursing, and staring
Turning away
And trying hard not to look
Freaking and breaking
Not thinking
Just fearing

The Ash

I come from deep within the flames
I am old, no longer fresh with the searing burn of fire
I am light
And carried softly upon the restless breeze
Away
Away from my home
All I knew
And I settle atop the frigid beauty of the grounded grass
Chill
And covered with morning dew
I am the ash
And as the tears of rain pour down
I am no more
I was once the ash
But now I am dead
Though
I will live again
Someday

Second-Hand Life

Second-hand Life

“You can't leave now,” Luke says softly, his voice barely audible in the chilly autumn air. He stand up as if to leave, holding out a hand to stop me from following after him. I anxiously await his signal that all is well as he creeps along the filthy rust-coloured brick of the alley wall outside the abandoned building we call home and peers around the crumbling outcrop, checking to make sure the cops are gone. They are and I sigh in relief as we make our way inside the long-forgotten building. We hole ouselves up in one of the abandoned apartments on the top floor. It isn't much, but we manage.

I sit down on the sagging sofa, an old spring jabbing into my rear uncomfortably. Luke is at the window, peeking out of the dusty rags that serve as blinds. “I think we'll be safe for the rest of the night. The cops are gone for now.” He says, letting the dingy material sway back into place before coming to sit next to me.

Police are always a problem in this end of town. You know the part where all the criminals hide out, with the cracked and dirty streets that smell of sewage and grime. Even all the houses here are ancient and worn-looking. The whole neighborhood is decaying. It's the way things are nowadays. That's why the cops are always around. They're looking for strays, like Luke and I, hoping to take us in and stick us in the system. You know, they'd probably separate us and I'd never see my brother again.

Our building is just like all of the others, blown-out windows, leaking roof, and molding innards, decrepit second or third-hand furniture scattered about each room. Luke sleeps in a chair that's right across from the couch we're sitting on, which just so happens to be my bed. It's hard to imagine what life was like before this. Back when we didn't have to hide out like Anne Frank did from the Nazis. It's strange to remember then.

I hardly remember it, I was only four when mom and dad were killed. I just remember the colour red and Luke won't tell me anything about it, he was twelve at the time. It's been four long years since then. Luke and I ran away from the house as soon as we saw our parents bodies. I wish I recalled what they looked like, but I was too young. We've moved around a lot since then, but I don't really mind much as long as Luke's here to take care of me.

We don't really have much to call our own, just barely enough food for the two of us to survive and Luke works so hard just to get us even that little bit. I feel so useless; there's not really anything I can do, I'm only eight after all. Luke says that I don't have to do anything, just smile for him. He says it keeps him going. I sometimes wonder how true that is.

Sirens sound in the distance and Luke stirs, shifting uneasily. He glances at me and I catch his eye. He graces me with the tiniest of smiles before he stands up and moves to sit in the chair he uses as a bed, resting his hands on the stained and torn olive-coloured material.

“Hey Maddi, it's time for bed, k? We're gonna move tomorrow, so you need your rest.” He says as he leans forward and ruffles my bangs, tugging on the longs strands playfully. I giggle and nod, pressing my body back onto the uncomfortable sofa and closing my eyes. Luke blows out the candle that has been lighting our home feebly for hours. He leans back into his chair and breathes a heavy sigh that speaks of years beyond his age. I smile sadly in the darkness.

“Goodnight Luke.” I whisper quietly in the direction I know him to be in. I hear him breathe in again.

“Sleep tight Maddi.” His reply is only a little late and I close my eyes once more. Sleep comes quickly when you're far too old or your years and Luke and I are ancient. Dawn will bring with it, a new day and a new home, but I don't mind, not as long as my brother is here to protect me. Besides, we're used to this by now, after all it is just another day in our second-hand life.

The Rake

I sleep
Until autumn's nigh
And when the coloured
Leaves fall
I'll wake
And collect them all
Within my arms
So close
Before the winter calls
And once the wind
Blows snowflakes about
Again I'll sleep
'Til the seasons change
Once more